Drowning in Lost Love
by RainbowPiranha
Summary: Tonks enjoys a relationship with a mysterious person, while Sirius and Remus keep their relationship under wraps. Will a dangerous Order mission with potentially disastrous consequences prove fatal for both relationships, or will it bring Tonks and Remus closer together? Tonks/OC and Sirius/Remus. Please pay attention to the rating. Set in Harry's fifth year. Complete for now.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own these characters. They all belong to the wonderful J. K. Rowling. I'm not making any money off of this story. But, if you'd like to reward me by leaving reviews, that would be lovely! :D

**Please Note:** This story is rated M for a reason. Well, multiple reasons: sexual themes, some foul language, character death, and alcohol abuse.

_Enjoy!_

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I was about to turn around to leave, finally tired of smoking in solitude, but I changed my mind when I heard the bedroom door softly click open. I knew exactly who it was. I could smell her signature scent as soon as she entered our room. She smelled like a carnival candy store: a slight hint of bubblegum mixed with lavender, matching her bright pink hair with purple tips.

She smelled absolutely delightful.

I figured I had twenty seconds or so before she reached where I was standing, and I planned on feigning ignorance of her presence for that long, bracing myself for the completely primal effect she had on me.

I had sorely underestimated how far she could jump.

"Attack!" Tonks squealed from behind me, giggling as she launched herself through the air and latched onto my waist.

I felt her breath when it lightly tickled my neck, and my muscles stiffened as a slight tremor of pleasure ran through me. I couldn't help it—her body on mine made me wild.

I could feel her lips curve into a smile as I involuntarily gasped when she bit where my neck meets my shoulder, leaving a small impression of her teeth that would later turn red and bruise.

I would never tell her, but I loved the bruises. Some may think it's trashy, but I think it's worth it. It's like she left her mark on me for the world to see that I'm hers. It was true; I planned to be with her forever.

"Not fair," I exclaimed wish a gasp as she bit me again. Softer, I added, "That brings up so many wonderful memories…"

I suppressed a groan, images from the other night playing in my head. We were more distracted than usual and had casted silencing charms on the room a little too late, prompting an eager Fred and George to pop their head in our room before we realized our mistake. Lucky for us, all they saw was a twist of bodies half-hidden under the brightly-coloured covers.

"I know," she responded as I turned around. "And I absolutely love it."

She turned me around and leaned in to kiss me, but I stretched up to poke her nose with my nose, irking her with my avoidance. There were very, very few times I had the upper hand over her, since usually my desire got the best of me. But this time I did, and I planned on taking advantage of it.

Laughing, I said as seductively as I could manage, "Wait 'till after dinner, Nymph—"

"Don't call me that!" she warned, as her hair began to threateningly tint red.

"Tonks," I amended as I placed a small kiss on her cheek, instantly calming her.

She kissed my forehead before saying, "I won't be here for long after dinner."

"What do you mean?" I ask, confused.

"Order mission tonight, remember?" asked Tonks. "Sirius, Moody and myself are going. It's been planned for months"

"Oh, yeah" was all I could respond.

I remembered the mission assignment very clearly, I had just forgotten that it was today. It will be, by far, one of the most dangerous assignments ever attempted by the Order: invade the Death Eaters' headquarters. Only three members were going because the objective wasn't to fight the Death Eaters. The goals were to gain information on the people inside, as well as the size of the operation, and then they were to report back. It should last one night only and the three members would be heavily disguised while the upmost caution would be used.

I whined, "Promise me you'll come back!"

"Of course I will," she responded with a confident smile. "You worry too much."

"Were you trying to drown yourself?" Tonks asked me after dinner.

"What?" I replied, knowing damn well what she was talking about.

"How many glasses of fire-whiskey did you have?" elaborated Tonks. "Honestly."

"Four or five," I admitted, lowering my gaze even though she couldn't see my eyes since my back was turned to her.

"In the span of an hour," she chastised. "And you weigh what, eight stone?"

"I'm fine!" I insisted. "Honestly. Plus I have developed quite a good tolerance so it just seems like more than it is."

She came over to where I was standing by the window in our room and gently spun me around. The bright purple and pink of our bedspread mocked me as it brightened the dark brown walls, but did nothing to lighten my mood.

I would do anything to not have to face Tonks right now. She was hardly ever serious, but when she was, it was depressingly severe.

"You're crying!" Tonks exclaimed, rubbing my cheek roughly with her thumb. "Why?"

"I have a really, really bad feeling about this mission," I explained. "Please don't go." I couldn't help the high-pitch whine that had ebbed into my voice. "Please?"

"You worry too much," she assured me again. "I'll be fine, just like always. I may be clumsy, but my Auror training did pay off—it's kept me alive so far. "

"You better be okay," I whispered, hugging her tightly. "You better be."

I wrapped my arms around her waist, physically preventing her from leaving. She kissed my forehead and it was all I could do to not hold her even tighter, to keep her with me, to keep her safe in my arms forever.

"I love you," I said, kissing her softly.

"I love you too," she answered, pulling away from the kiss. "But you have to let me go. We're leaving soon."

"I can't," I whispered, trying to plead to her with my voice. "I won't!"

"You have to!" insisted Tonks. "It's not fair that you're keeping me here when I want to fight. I want to do my part against the Death Eaters! You don't think I can, do you?"

By now her hair had turned bright orange, a sure sign she was mad.

"I didn't mean that, babe," I assured her. "I know you are more than capable of doing this. I'm just scared of losing you."

"I promise you I will never leave you," maintained Tonks, her hair settling down instantly with her mood. "Not in life and not by death."

Two days later, I sat in an Order meeting, praying for news on where the three members were. I wasn't anywhere near religious, but I still prayed. At this point, I would do whatever it took to get Tonks back safely.

"As you know, the previous mission was extremely dangerous," Albus started. "One of the most daunting tasks we have attempted so far."

There was a collective intake of breath from everyone seated around the long table as he paused. Many Order members were gathered, waiting for news of the three scouts who had been sent, but few members, if any, had as much personal interest as I did.

"Sirius Black, Nymphadora Tonks, and Alastor Moody, knew full well what they were getting into," he continued. "They were trained successfully and we had full confidence in their ability. However, the amount of security the Death Eaters had was heavily underestimated. That was my fault, and my fault alone." He paused again, guilt and pain showing in his expression, the twinkle now completely gone from his eyes. "Immediately, their presence was recognized…The means we had used to disguise them failed instantly. Their bodies were found earlier this morning, badly burned, but still recognizable."

Albus stopped, letting the news sink in. Molly instantly started crying into Arthur's shoulder, while everyone else in the room shifted uncomfortably.

It didn't quite hit me until Remus asked bitterly, "They didn't have the decency to kill them quickly? The Death Eaters had to burn them?"

"Unfortunately," Albus replied. "The spell is a cruel one, but not quite classified as an Unforgivable Curse. They will still be given a proper burial of course, but their caskets will be closed."

I shoved my chair back and darted quickly out of the room, not wanting to hear the details of their funerals. A funeral was the last thing on my mind. A funeral meant this really happened and that it was permanent.

I hurried up to the room that Tonks and I share –had shared— and collapsed onto the bed.

"This can't be real," I muttered to myself. "It just can't be."

I couldn't see. Too many tears were blocking my vision, sticking to my eyelashes and flooding my cheeks simultaneously. I buried my face into a pillow—her pillow, with her smell—as I tried to muffle the sound of my sobbing.

I had never been a pretty crier, and this was by far the worst pain I had ever felt.

Soon there was a soft knocking on the door accompanied by Remus' voice saying, "Please? I need to talk to you."

I barely heard him. Everything around me made it feel like I was in a drunken haze of a nightmare, spinning faster and faster, quickly becoming out of control. I was so disoriented I felt for sure that if I moved from the bed I would get sucked into the floor.

I flicked my wand in the general direction of the door, not moving my face from the pillow. Unfortunately, my emotions got in the way. I hit a vase on our dresser—my dresser, now, I guess—and it exploded loudly as glass flew in every direction.

Unfortunately, I was too far away to get hit.

"I'm coming in," a concerned Remus said through his own tears as he magically unlocked the door.

He just stood there. It seemed like a half of an hour went by as he listened to me cry on the bed before he shut the door. With a flick of his wand he fixed the vase, too. Somehow he managed to be level-headed even in such a situation.

I finally turned my head to the side, ignoring the fact that my entire face was puffy and splotched red, and looked at Remus.

The seemingly always in control Remus had tears running freely down his face.

I noted bitterly that, of course, he was a pretty crier. His face wasn't red and he didn't have snot everywhere. He didn't need to be a messy crier for me to believe him though; the pain he felt was evident in his eyes.

"He promised," Remus whispered, finally moving forward.

He walked over to me and gingerly sat himself at the foot of the bed, burying his face in his hands as if trying to save himself the pain of looking out into the real world.

"Who?" I asked, curiosity momentarily overriding my pain. "And he promised what?"

"Umm…" Remus was suddenly uncomfortable through his tears. He brought his hands down to his lap, fiddling with them anxiously as he stuttered out, "Sirius...he, uh, promised me that nothing would happen, that he…that he would never—"

Sobs interrupted his sentence and he was unable to continue.

"Leave you," I interjected, finally under control of my immediate wave of tears. "Sirius promised he would never leave you, didn't he? Just like Tonks promised the same to me."

"Yes," answered Remus softly. "I should never have believed the reckless git."

"But you trusted him to come back safely," I reassured both him and myself at the same time. "We all assumed that all three of them would come back safely."

Remus smiled wryly. "Well, you know what happens when you assume—"

"Remus Lupin, even at a shitty time like this, that joke is still not remotely funny!" I chastised, as I smiled in spite of my mood.

We sat in silence for a few minutes. It wasn't necessarily uncomfortable, but it most certainly wasn't comfortable. How do you soothe somebody that just lost the person that means the world to them? Especially when you're so angry at your partner for going off and dying themselves!

"So, you and Tonks?" he asked with a small smile, breaking the silence.

"Yeah," I responded. "You know, she guessed that you and Sirius were together."

"Really?" he looked surprised, almost fearful.

"Yeah, but then again she is—ugh, was—really good at reading people. And I mean, you two were always hanging around each other. I guess I would have noticed too if I wasn't so wrapped up in her… Gods, I'm going to miss her," I said as I started sobbing again. "She was everything to me."

"And he was to me" Remus responded.

He was never very good at expressing emotion, but then again, this wasn't the highest moment in Remus' life. He did one thing Remus Lupin almost never did. He burst into an angry ramble. "What am I without him? How are we supposed to be okay? Why the fuck did Albus send them into this mission? Sirius wasn't even supposed to be allowed out of the house. But no, the night he finally gets to leave, he gets himself killed. "

Unable to answer any of his questions, I conjured up two glasses of fire-whiskey. With a second thought, I vanished those glasses and summoned two full bottles.

I handed one to Remus, which he took without a second thought. Now was no time to be rational, especially when liquid pain killer was involved.

"Cheers," I nodded to Remus as I took a large swig straight from my bottle. Remus did the same.

We sat there, side by side, drinking and crying, Remus surprising me with how much alcohol he could handle and I surprising him with how much it took me to get even remotely drunk.

Eventually, Remus nodded against the bedpost in a whiskey-induced slumber.

Right before I was about to doze off, I remembered something Tonks had told me once and I sneered to myself, "Maybe this time I really can drown myself."

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Please let me know what you think!

I know it doesn't have a happy ending and it's complete for now, but I may add to it later if I get some feedback.


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